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How to Think Dog

Fido Does	You Say	Fido Thinks
Dog pulls on lead	He's just excited or he just needs to loo	Why can't this pet of mine learn their place and walk behind me
Jumps up at you or visitors	It's love/give him a cuddle	I need to show you how bad mannered I am OR when is this pet human going to learn to submit
Mounts you or visitors	It's love/must find him a mate soon	Just how insulting do I have to get before we have a fight and sort out who's boss
Separation, house wrecking, barking	But he is hardly ever left on his own	How dare you leave me. I'm not used to being left, this is stressful
Steals your things	I can't understand it he has lots of toys	Yeah! But you only want to play with the expensive/dangerous toys or i've pinched your underwear from the laundry basket
Barks at the phone	AAARRRRGGHHH!!!!!	Get off my phone OR I need to have this really interesting toy that you me for
Barks at the door when visitors arrive	Good guard dog	OY! Human answer the door
Can't eat, won't eat	He's got a funny stomach! Come on son, would you like a steak?	I've saved my dinner so I can eat some every time you go in the kitchen to show you who's boss. I don't need to eat for four days, so i'm holding out for steak. It gets you so worried that I can have your undivided attention. Keep grovelling.
Won't come back when let off the lead	Must get his hearing checked	Come on human keep up, I lead, you follow. What's that human whining for again?
Eats his own excrement	He canm't be that hungry he's just had steak!	That got your attention didn't it!

A table showing how humans and animals interpret a situation